Monday, November 30, 2009

And once again, trying not to obsess!

I'm 5dpIUI today, and have some mild cramping on and off. I haven't had any cramping at all this cycle (not even any the day of the IUI) so this is a bit different than last time where I cramped for days after the IUI. I'm staying positive and hoping for the best.

Today would have been my parents' 35th wedding anniversary. It's so strange to think of my dad marrying someone else sometime next year, but that's what's going to happen. I am actually ok with that part. His fiancee is very sweet, and great to my little guy. Jer (DH) is having a harder time with it all. Sometimes I wish he'd just follow my lead on these things - it was my mom, afterall - but he has a harder time with transitions and changes, and loved my mom a lot too.

Best of luck to everyone out there in the 2ww...let's hope for a nice round of BFP's next week! :)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

IUI #2 Done!

Yesterday morning we went in at 8:30, and the IUI took place at about 10:45. My RE was very positive this time - he wasn't the last, so I'm taking that as a good sign. Also, this IUI didn't hurt a bit, leading me to believe that my cervix was nice and open this time (a good fertility sign?). He said DH was a "rockstar" and his numbers were excellent, though we failed to ask for specifics. I'm continuing to listen to my guided meditation and praying for at least one of those little eggs to find a match and dig in for the long haul.

We are spending Thanksgiving with our good friends and their two children. I'm in charge of the sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, dressing, and fresh green beans. We will have a LOT of food...looking forward to it!

During this 2ww, I plan to stay positive, and not start testing until 12 dpIUI. (Very difficult for an admitted pregnancy test addict.) I'm going to force myself to stick to it...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

IUI #2 Tomorrow...

Went in for CD13 ultrasound today. One follicle on each side - 22mm and 24.5mm - seem pretty big - I hope that second one isn't "too mature" - is that possible? I didn't see my RE today, just the u/s tech and nurse for my hCG shot. My lining was at 12mm. Fingers crossed that we make a little turkey sometime within the next few days. I guess we'll know in about two weeks. When should I test? I'm going to try to resist until 12 dpiui. I just can't wait for the call from the RE's office after the beta. I like to be prepared for the call...

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

2nd Time Around...

This Thanksgiving will be the second without my mom. It always seems to hit me as the dates approach. I am weepy, thinking about "what if she were here..." and just wishing I could see her, hear her voice, or get a big hug from her again. It sometimes takes my breath away when I think that I will NEVER again be around my mother in this life. I was raised Catholic, and have always believed in "heaven" - but I also have some bitterness surrounding that. Yes, I know she's "with" me in spirit all the time. But, honestly, that doesn't really make me feel better. I want her here to be my mom, and to be Christopher's grandmother. I want him to know how much she loves him, spend weekends playing with her, getting her wonderful hugs and kisses. And that won't happen when she's "with" me in spirit.

I love Thanksgiving. I love the preparation, the food, the gathering with family without all the added pressure of gifts at Christmas. It is my favorite holiday. I need to think of some new traditions for my little family. So my child (and hopefully a sibling someday) will learn to love this time of year too. And maybe some of the sadness that hangs over me will be lessened and I can be enthusiastic about the holidays again.

On the fertility front - finishing up Clomid today, and CD 13 u/s next Tuesday.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Next Step...

I took a "First Response Gold" this morning, and threw it immediately away after it flashed the harsh "-NO" at me at 5am. Even though my beta is tomorrow, and I will have the bloodwork, I know that this cycle hasn't worked. So...I'm going to start focusing on what I can do to feel more "in control" and calm next cycle.

I am going to start doing guided meditation throughout the cycle, and yoga 2 to 3 times per week. I may add to this list as I do a little more research. I truly felt so chaotic during most of this cycle, I feel like I need something that I control to give me a little balance...and hopefully put me in a better frame of mind.

Waiting for CD1 to get here...hopefully she won't make me wait too long.

Monday, November 9, 2009

12dpIUI #1

I broke down and tested first thing this morning. A snow-white BFN. I don't actually know when I ovulated (wasn't charting - but will next cycle), but I'm either 11 or 12dpo. I will take another test tomorrow morning, and then the beta on Wednesday. I'm not hopeful at this point, but really ready to move onto the next cycle.

I'm extremely busy for the next few weeks with holiday photo shoots. I will make more than enough to cover my copays and meds for the next cycle or two - so that's a good thing! I will be doing lots of kid-wrangling and trying to coax smiles, or at least pleasant expressions out of my little clients. Fun times...

A question for my fellow progesterone long did it take for AF to arrive after stopping the progesterone?

Sunday, November 8, 2009


And not being too successful. I have two FRER tests in my bathroom, calling my name. I may use one in the morning, at 12dpIUI, if I can't resist. I'd really like to get back to the gym if this cycle's a bust - I've been light on my workouts at the advice of my RE. So, I'm just going to give in and test, and if it's negative, I'll head to the gym and sweat away my frustration.

We had a good weekend with friends, but our friends' son came down with a stomach virus last night. I hope we all stay free of it, but seeing that Christopher was hugging his friend yesterday afternoon, we may not be so lucky. This would be the first barfing bug for Christopher if it makes an appearance.

So...hoping for some nausea for me in the form of morning sickness, not for Christopher in the form of a virus. :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Still in a holding pattern...

Went for my progesterone blood draw yesterday. They hadn't ordered it "stat" so I won't get results until today or tomorrow. I did start progesterone just in case it's low (it's always been low) and didn't want to wait another couple of days for my RE's office to get around to calling me.

The trigger is officially out of my system at 8dpIUI. So, any test I take after this point is the "real deal". We have plans for the weekend - heading out to my grandparents' ranch with some friends, so hopefully these days will fly by. I'm taking Christopher to visit my dad and also to see my mom's parents today, and will meet Jer and friends down at the ranch tomorrow.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for myself and my TWW buddies! I definitely feel the effects of the progesterone, but I'll adjust to it quickly. My hopes are already too high about this cycle...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Day 6 of the wait...

My emotions are all over the place. I am hopeful one minute, and just sure that I have PMS and things are going to fail the next. I am just not in a great place right now. I need to work on some positive thinking.

My mindset needs to change, today.